The latest

I need to go in a different direction with this blog for the time being. Something about me being married but living single in quasi-limbo.

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Husband told me tonight that he needs to "go away" for a while. He's been dealing with some pretty bad depression and had his soul sucked into the couch for months now. Even before he lost his job, all he did other than work was lay on the couch.

He knows none of this has been easy on me, and he's having a hard time trying to get his own shit together without worrying about how it's going to affect me in general or us as a couple. He needs to get his head sorted out, and it's just not happening with him on the couch all the time.

He's going to go stay with his mom for a while and see if he can work out his problems in his head. I had a feeling this might come - heck, I even thought of suggesting it myself - but the whole thing is uncertain. We're still married, we still love each other, we're still each others' best friends, he's not "leaving me," but he's leaving our home for an as-yet-to-be-determined period of time (days? weeks? months? He mentioned something about spring, but neither of us have any idea) to see if he can figure out what he wants and needs. We'll talk, but I'll essentially be a married-but-single crazy cat lady running the house by myself for a while.

This is so hard - I've been bawling so hard I can't see straight. I don't get it. This is something I was going to suggest!! So why can't I stop crying?

He thinks he'll probably leave on Saturday, I'm going to see if I can take next week off to transition. I see my therapist tomorrow, I wonder if I can have him talk to my psychiatrist about maybe having the week covered by FMLA if I can't get it off as personal time. Oy.