I guess beggars can't be choosers.

The night before I wrote that last post, I went on my husband's phone and read his texts and Twitter account. Yes, I was paranoid, yes I was wrong.

A few hours after I wrote that post, he said these words: "I think I'm done."

I asked what led him to that conclusion, and he said "what you did last night. I've never given you reason to be that distrustful of me."

I'd explained pretty much everything I said in that post, and he didn't take it any further. No validation of the fact that he'd made it sound an awful lot like there might be future infidelity. But he didn't fight me on it either, which for him, might as well be validation.

Funny thing is, when I told my therapist that hubby said "I've never given you reason to be that distrustful of me," my therapist's reaction was "do you really believe that?" I told him I didn't, and he acknowledged that he could definitely see why I might feel that way.

Actual validation!! It's been so long since I've had actual validation of the way I feel.

I don't want to talk to my girlfriends about our issues, because they're all friends with him, too. I don't want to talk to my friends at work, because we're friends-but-not-THOSE-kind. Plus, they don't know him and I don't want my venting to turn into "wow, her husband's a real dick." I don't want to talk to my sister about it because she's got enough problems of her own. I can't talk to my mom because she's the last person I need telling me how to run a marriage (bearing witness to my parents' marriage is where a lot of my neuroses come from, I'm sure you'll hear all about it eventually).

So basically, I have nobody to talk to other than my therapist.

I can't tell you how much it means to me that an outsider-looking-in can take what I've told them, look at it objectively and be able to validate how I'm feeling.

It would mean so much more if it came from my husband.