First fight of the new togetherness

Hubby came home last week. It's been fantastic to have him home, and he likes the changes I've made. Unfortunately, I wasn't done with the redecorating, and the house was messy when he came home - this is something that frustrated him before he left, because even though it was ten times worse when he left as it is now, it's still messy. He seems to be feeling better, but he's been frustrated because he wants to clean, he wants to contribute to the running of his own house, but he's not sure where to start. Plus, when he came home, he decided that the couch no longer exists, so he can't fall back into old patterns, but within the last couple of days he's been spending a little time here and there on "the couch that doesn't exist."

Today, I called in to work. I'm starting to get really anxious about the lack of productivity and the couch thing, and there you have it. I thought we'd have a nice day, beautiful weather, getting the house finished and presentable...

Yeah, April-Fools-pranked myself on that one.

HUGE fight.

See, we're just starting to dip our toes into a little light BDSM. He's got a very dominant personality, and I like a nice spanking every now and then. But what I don't like is talking about my sex life to people I don't know. I'm okay doing it here because it's semi-anonymous, but in public? No thanks. And last weekend at the bar, a drunk guy told hubby he needed a spanking. Hubby blew it off, but the guy said it a few more times, and hubby said "I don't get the spankings, I'm the one who gives them out."

Sorry, no dice. I'm one of those people who will discuss pretty much any sexual topic, I'm fairly educated on many of them, I have no problem with what anyone else does as long as it's all between consenting adults, I'm very sex-positive and think that people shouldn't be embarrassed to admit what they like if directly asked. And I don't know if this will make any sense at all, but there's a difference between telling people what you like and telling them exactly what you DO. MY sex life is something that I don't want discussed in public. And that's MY prerogative. That's MY boundary. And from what I understand about BDSM so far, boundaries are important. But hubby doesn't necessarily see it that way. He doesn't see anything wrong with what he said and he thinks I'm blowing it out of proportion. And at one point in the argument, I did blow it out of proportion by making it sound like he was going to take out a billboard ad, advertising the fact that he spanks me and I like it. But seriously? I just want some things in our life to be between us. And even though it could have been construed as a joke, it wasn't a joke because it is our life and it annoyed me and I was uncomfortable.

But 15 minutes after I apologized for blowing it up, he was still berating me for accusing him of something he hadn't done, and unfortunately for me, I was becoming incredibly frustrated. Also unfortunately for me, when I get extremely frustrated, I tend to throw things. Which just makes me look like I'm being a completely irrational banshee, but is really just my signal that something or someone is really frustrating me and I feel like I'm not being understood.

I hate that that's my reaction to frustration, because then he stats calling me crazy. I feel like I'm nuts enough for being medicated, unable to control my anxiety and depression and need both a psychiatirst and a therapist (my insurance requires both). I know he didn't mean it, but calling me crazy is just a low blow.